Up in the dark early of the morning, worrying about budgetary concerns. In the midst of that, reading the coverage of the executive that was recently ousted from Apple.

His last name is Papermaster, and the only thing registering in my brain is now that he doesn’t work for Apple, I wonder if he will go work with Yomiko Readman, who is my favorite anime character of all time.

And yes, she is a paper master. She has the super power of being able to make paper do whatever she wants.

This is the crazy stuff that runs through my brain at 4am when I can’t sleep.

Once again, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted here. I think I’ve started to realize why. This week is has been a very hard one – very traumatic, dealing with some people that might be called friends, but probably shouldn’t be. And my weight stayed the same instead heading downward, and this overhanging malaise, which I think everyone I live with is sick of dealing with. And I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on, and how to fix it.

I think I may have figured it out.  Dan and I were talking earlier, and I was saying how I felt like I was invisible, and that I don’t have anything outside of work and taking care of the household.  And on my way home from seeing a movie with two girlfriends, I realized what it was – I need to find the fun, because it’s been missing.

I used to write fiction.  I wrote about six novels then self-published them on line.  When asked why I didn’t get them ready for a publisher, it was because the writing had been fun for me, and publishing them would have been work.  It was the same with knitting – after I was done with writing, I picked up knitting, taught myself, and had a lot of fun doing it.  It was a lot of work, as was the writing, but it was fun.  And that was why I never took any knitting commissions – because then it would have been work.  I took up podcasting, and that was fun, and stopped when it was more like a job.  The same with blogging.  I think part of the reason I haven’t been posting more here, is because it wasn’t fun anymore – it was too much like work.

And now I’m not doing anything.  Okay – I’m working two jobs.  The first is the full-time career thing – that has been particularly unrewarding and soul sucking, but pays the bills.  And then there is taking care of the boys, managing the household, keeping things clean and organized, feeding the troops, managing the finances, supporting the boys in what they do, and running the errands. Included in that is my weight loss journey and going to the gym (yes, I joined one), because I have to take care of myself so I can be there for the boys. And this job is ultimately more rewarding than the first job, but it is a job.  What I don’t have is that fun something – the thing that challenges me and is defines me as more than the wife or the mom.  I’m really starting to hate being called those titles, not because I don’t like being a wife and a mom, but that it seems to define me as only that – and I’m not.

And games aren’t enough.  I thought I could fill that gap with Farmville, or WoW, or one of the many video games we have at home.  They were good fillers I thought, because it left me to be available when needed, whether it was for a meal, or whatever, and I could stop what I was doing so that if someone needed a meal, or something else, I’d be available.

So I need to find the fun.  And I know it has to be something social, whether online or in real life.  I’ve felt way to isolated, to the point where large parties are rather…upsetting to me, that I feel like I don’t know how to behave properly, so I just fade into the background.  So, I need to find something social, something with a bit of a challenge, even something I would need to learn, but ultimately, something that is fun.  Maybe a gaming group, though I don’t know of anyone that would want me for that.  I know that I don’t need to be famous, or well-known, I just need to interact with more people more often.

Because we all need more fun.  And I need it really bad.  Because I need to cure this malaise, and start feeling better about myself soon, or I might just fade away.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted here, and my last posted was redacted because I felt it was so negative. That being said, my motivation to continue this site has been tested. As it is right now, I think the podcast is dead, and will only be revived by some sort of miracle. But I do want to continue to blog here, though I will need to make some changes.

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No, there still is no podcast on casual gaming.  I’m spending too much time playing Farmville.  No, I’ve tried recording my intro several times and each time, I sound very angry, and in some cases, pretty nasty.  I’ve chalked it up to the fact that I’ve become very disillusioned by the whole podcast novel scene and social media in general.  And rather than rant, over what I feel the majority of people are doing wrong, I’m going to talk about the one who I feel is doing it right at this point.

It’s Nathan Lowell.  His series Golden Age of the Solar Clipper is some of the best podcast novels you will ever listen to.  Recently, the first one was published in trade paperback.  I couldn’t be happier for him.  I purchased a copy for signature AND a copy for my Kindle.  This is one author who is doing it right.  How?  Here are some of the things that make him MY favorite author right now.  Other than the fact when I got his book on my Kindle, I tore through it, even though it was the third time I was ‘reading’ it.

1.  He doesn’t over market.  Nate quietly came on the scene with Quarter Share, which is a tale of an everyman who finds a life for himself after the death of his mother.  And it’s on a spaceship.   It’s a different brand of sci-fi.  And it’s incredibly well-written.  And then he released several other books.  Very quietly, and without much fanfare.  It was only after I met him at Balticon two years ago that I actually found out about his work.  And then I listened to everything he had out – and it kept me sane while I was planning my wedding.

2.  He keeps writing.  And writing.  He’s legendary for completing NANOWRiMO in 15 days.  But he keeps putting out content.  I can’t wait for his next books.  But I think he spends the time writing that others spend on talking about their projects.  And it shows.

3.  He quietly announced when his book was being published, and it wasn’t done like it was a commercial to buy the book.  It was more – hey guys, something awesome happened to me, and I want to tell my friends about it.  And I was so happy for him, it got a bit dusty in front of my computer.

4.  The Kindle version of his book – was priced right in my sweet spot, so much so that I ordered it on the spot.  I usually dither over Kindle purchases, but this one was instantaneous.  I don’t know if he had anything to do with it, but whoever it did, did it right.  Lately I thought some offerings from people in this space were not worth what they were charging for it.  When in doubt – and if you have a choice – lower the price.

5.  He reads his books in his audio productions, and he reads them straight.  And they don’t need any embellishment at all.  The writing speaks for itself.  In this day where it seems more the norm than the exception to have a full-cast audio – I find Nate’s stuff refreshing, uncomplicated, and the straight reading still lets the story shine through.  Because it’s that good.  And can I tell you how nice it is not to be told how I should feel about how an episode ended?   There was actually one podcast novel that I stopped listening to because the author pissed me off with the after=episode commentary.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that Nathan Lowell is so good, that others want to evangelize for him.   And he spends his time writing more, which in my opinion, makes him the better writer.   And everyone is the luckier for it.  I wish more podcast novelists would follow his example.  Now not everyone can be Nathan Lowell, but it’s something everyone should strive for.

Note:  I’ve tried to make this post as positive as I can be, because there has been so much in the social media space that has been annoying the crap out of me as of late, and I do my best to stay as positive as I can, because I don’t want to hurt feelings, or project what might be a symptom of my life woes onto something that someone put a whole hell of a lot of work into.  Because I respect the work that was done, but at this point, I feel seriously over-marketed to, and in some cases in very insincere ways.  Make sense?  I hope so.

And go to Amazon, search for Nate’s stuff, and buy it.  Because his work deserves your book buying dollar.

Very early on Saturday morning, Dan got up and headed out to the Apple store – to sit in line and wait for the iPad that he had preordered. Ever since the announcement, the phrase ‘Internet in your hands’ has been a constant chorus around here. But hopefully, this device will be what he has been looking for for a year, something that is easily portable that he can write his blog articles on, and read what he wants to read.

Now, he’s been very generous in giving me time with it. I was interested in the e-reader function of the device. I have a Kindle and love it very much, but it really only does one thing. So, a bit of this will touch on what I thought of the e-reader capabilities.

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The sun came out today. It was out yesterday too. This has been very important, because I’ve been in a fit of the blues lately. I think it may have had to do with the cold, and the dark. I’m hoping with slightly warmer weather, my mood will lift – as will my willingness to post things on the blog. I’ve been in such a funk, I haven’t wanted to do anything.

And yes – for now – the Project is dead. I had a bad week of it – and I really felt like I was spending way more on groceries – just for ingredients for the Project – which was killing my budget – and at this point, I can’t justify the expense in making a whole lot of dishes that don’t lend themselve to left overs, and that didn’t go over very well. It was also affecting my weight loss. So – the Project is dead for now. Though it may come back for special occasions.

I need to get back on track with my weight loss – which means I need to stop the emotional eating. And baking stuff for people that is high in carbs and not good for me at all. So, hopefully I’ll be able to do that.

I do have some reviews coming – I just need to find pictures and put them in the post.

Welcome spring, even if it’s still a bit chilly – you are very much welcome and needed.

I love comfort food, and it’s been especially appropriate these last two weeks. Two blizzards in one week made me decide that I had a distinct craving for stew. Not just any stew. Beef stew. Good beef stew. So I yielded to the craving, and this time I outdid myself. Better yet, my secrets will be revealed.

Forgive me ahead of time for vague measurements. It’s how I cook unless I’m following a recipe. I made this in a 5.5 qt Dutch oven on the stove. It took about an hour and a half from prep to serve. A note about the steak. I gave up last year on stew meat. Gross. Steak became the new meat of choice, usually a nice lean top round. This time, I used some top round and some New York strip steak. Next time, it will be New York strip steak all the way. Trust me, if you can afford it, it’s worth every penny. For the stock, I used Swanson’s Beef Stock for Cooking (33% less sodium).

Steak Stew

1 to 1.25 pounds of steak, preferably New York strip
1 red pepper, seeded and chopped
1 large sweet onion, chopped
3 carrots, peeled and sliced
3 large potatoes, chopped into chunks
1 bag frozen mixed vegetables (corn, peas, carrots, green beans)
beef stock to cover the ingredients in the pot (I needed around 40 oz)
5 tbs bouquet garni
ground pepper to taste
Several generous dashes of Worcestershire sauce
1/5 to 1/4 bottle of Lea and Perrins steak sauce
Cornstarch to thicken (needed a couple tablespoons)
Water to dissolve the cornstarch

1. Grill the steak (or brown it if grilling isn’t practical).
2. Combine all the ingredients in the pot and bring to a boil.
3. Simmer until the potatoes are tender.
4. Thicken with a mixture of cornstarch and water and then serve.

It occurs to me, as I contemplate my dinner options for tonight, that I really play fast and loose with recipes. Tonight was going to be macaroni and cheese and ham. This recipe has morphed considerably from the time it came into ours family. Twenty-eight years ago, when my mom was a newly minted cardiac nurse, she got the mother-of-all macaroni and cheese recipes from a patient. The secret to this recipe is that the sauce is based on a roux.

When I grew up and started cooking on my own, I started tweaking the recipe. I used the microwave to make the roux because I was hopeless at making it on the stove. Then I upsized the recipe to make a larger casserole. My mother had been adding ham for years, but I raised the stakes by adding broccoli. Unfortunately, my husband is not fond of this variation. (I will include the original and modified recipes at the bottom of the post.) Read the rest of this entry

I’m an early riser. I get up earlier than anyone else in my family. It’s actually helpful on weekends, I’m most productive in the morning, so if I get up, I can get all sorts of stuff done before the rest of the family rises.

This morning, I had every intention of getting up and doing the much needed cooking on the Project. I found lard at the grocery store today, and was going to work on my Biscuit Progression, as AB shows us in We’re Just Here For More Food. And I was going to make other meals.

Then I started getting my recipes together. I’m out of several key ingredients for stuff I planned to make this weekend (which would be week four and week five of the project. Damn. Now I still could have made biscuits and eggs, but I couldn’t find the shortening, though I know I had some.

So instead, I used my early morning time to record the last part of the next podcast, explaining why the show was cut off. That was a succes, and I should be able to finish the podcast this weekend.

But the cooking – will have to wait till later. We need to go get Dan’s passport, and go get eye examinations for the both of us. So – cooking when I get home. Will I make my goal for this week of the Project? Signs point to probably not. I will try, but this week really kicked my ass. Sigh. I wasn’t hoping to lose momentum so soon. But tomorrow is another day. And another week.

Or rather, a lazy ass Sunday. Other than venturing out to Trader Joe’s and Target, I’ve sat on my ass, wrapped in my Snuggie (don’t judge till you’ve tried one), watched reality TV, and knit on the Jayne hat I’m making for the Boom Effect.

Dan’s making dinner, which is more like appetizers for dinner, and this evening I plan to sit on my ass, wrapped in my Snuggie (it’s has pictures from Kingdom Hearts on it) and finish the Jayne Hat. And maybe play Dragon Age: Origins, because it came from Game Fly.

What I have not done is plan for the Project this week. Could it be I’m already Alton Brown’d out? Well, no – I just didn’t want any complicated cooking today. And unfortunately, most of AB’s recipes can be complicated. and LONG.

So it’s a lazy day. Tomorrow – I go back on the eating plan, start planning for the cooking this week, and cheer myself the hell up. Because I need it.